This is kind of a silly recipe to post, because it isn’t even really a recipe, as I realized the other day when Sue asked me to email it to her so she could keep it in her electronic recipe file. I had to make it up. She also asked that I make it, and then overnight it to her in a box packed with dry ice. I think she even checked online to see how much such a thing might cost. Surely then, this plebeian recipe is worth sharing, if Sue felt compelled to actually check the price of having me mail some to her. Tuna mac is delicious; when you come home at any time after any activity and realize you have some in your refrigerator, it is exactly like waking up and thinking it’s time to go to work, and realizing it’s 3:12 am.
Let me give you some tuna mac exposition. So, my dad makes tuna mac. It is sort of his specialty, though he cooks many things very well, including steak and spaghetti. Tuna mac is famous in my family, so much so that my dad and I have had multiple conversations regarding what we will call tuna mac when I have my own children: Pop-pop’s tuna mac? Grandpa’s tuna mac? The debate rages on. Additionally, my mom is not allowed to make tuna mac, only my dad. We all remember with horror the time she made it and put red bell peppers in it, if you can imagine such an atrocity. Typically tuna mac is made to accompany hamburgers and hotdogs, which is the meal I request most often when I visit my parents (it is also required that my mom make baked beans). Sue, having spent a lot of time with my family as well, also has a deep and abiding love for tuna mac. So here it is, how I make it, anyway:
Dad’s Tuna Mac
1 pound elbow macaroni, cooked and cooled
4 hardboiled eggs, 3 chopped finely, 1 reserved
2 cups finely chopped carrot
a big onion, also chopped finely
4 or 5 ribs of celery, chopped finely
2-3 cans of tuna in water, drained and fluffed so it’s not in big chunks (if you have a cat, I suggest giving the cat a can to lick, they like it)
1/2 cup or so of sweet pickle relish, as much as you like, really
a whole bunch of Miracle Whip, a dollop at a time until the consistency looks moist, but not overly Miracle Whipped
a little dry mustard, and some ground pepper (I don’t think my father does this, he’ll probably be mad that I do)
So you mix everything together, then you slice the last hard boiled egg lengthwise and lay the slices artistically on top of the tuna mac, because that’s what my dad does. I douse mine with salt and pepper and enjoy liberally, mostly at 3 am after drinking. Or now that I’m old, at 11 pm after drinking.