Pimiento cheese, I thought, was some gross, radioactive cheese substance used to glue together stale crackers. Pimiento cheese, I thought, was something too orange to contemplate, in the way that highly colored food isn’t really food (Jell-o, Popsicles, Swedish Fish). I thought pimiento cheese was made with Velveeta. Until I made it and realized that pimiento cheese is one of the finest things ever to grace a cracker, a burger, or a spoon.
Dom asked for burgers last night. He asked for pimiento cheese burgers. Thank the gods I did what I always do and made 400% too much food, and now there’s a Mason jar full of pimiento cheese for me to wipe on crackers while Dom isn’t looking.
My pimiento cheese isn’t as vilely orange as many I’ve seen, but since orange cheese is a trick anyway (MILK ISN’T ORANGE), I don’t mind so much. I followed Paula Deen’s lead on this, figuring that lady knows her pimiento cheese. I changed around a few things, (A little pickle juice? A little Worchestershire? Suuuuure.) but this stuff is really, really good. My dad, widely acknowledged to be the King of Snacks, would love it. Dad, do yourself a favor and make this.
2 cups of sharp cheddar cheese, the higher quality the better (I used Tillamook)
1 cup cream cheese (I used light cream cheese)
1/2 cup mayonnaise (not Miracle Whip, even though I love it so)
2 tbsp horseradish cream spread (the kind in a jar you put on sandwiches, not plain horseradish)
1 tbsp pickle juice (I used bread and butter pickle juice, but I bet any kind would be fantastic)
1 tbsp worchestershire
1 4 oz jar of diced pimientos, and their juice
salt and pepper
Put everything in a food processor and pulse until smooth. Put it on burgers, crackers, sandwiches, anything.